Saturday, August 24, 2013

The Life | Positivity

Are you constantly saying to yourself that bad things always happen to you? Do you feel like you can relate to Eeyore? Are you believing that when you want to be sunny, the world seems to rain? For me, I constantly feel like this and that's because I'm such a negative person.  

Some of you may or may not know, I approach life in a negative manner and having to struggle with anxiety and panic attacks, as well as my 'past', I feel as if it's the only way that I can treat my life. Therefore, being negative and saying no is a regular occurrence and option. Before I can even think about it twice, my mind will instantly think 'Nope, can't do that because this will happen..' or 'Of course, it would be me that would happen to wouldn't it!'. It's actually quite annoying thinking in this way! It affects all the people around me and I don't want to be the person who brings everyone down. Luckily, I try to keep my negativity at bay when I'm around people, but it shouldn't be a 'problem'. Life is way too short to be thinking this way, especially when I'm so young. Do I want to be down in the dumps all the time and think that the world hates me? No, and you lovelies shouldn't either. 

If you're reading this and nodding your head thinking 'This is so me.. but..', I know how you're feeling - you're trying to think of reasons to try and support reasons for your behaviour. I know you want to be more positive towards life and things, but you find it difficult, but what's holding you back? It feels like there's this little, tiny monster in your head telling you to be down, but there's also a little, tiny positive monster in there!

I've been negative for so long and it must seem weird being only seventeen, but I've always been labelled the 'Eeyore' character from a young age. I still have to try and push all my negative thoughts to the side when it comes to behaviour, activities and my life, it's not easy but it does make life so much better. Although, there is the fear of having a panic attack always, does it matter? Not many people know about them, hardly anyone in my family know about them but I know that if one did occur it wouldn't be a big deal! I hate the fact that it the past I've thought 'I wish I'd done that' and I don't want to feel that way again, I want to be able to look back and be pleased with what I've done and not have 'what if' pestering around in my head. There have and will be times where you'll just find being negative so much easier than being positive, but you just have to push through it and know that in the long term, being positive is the better option. 

Things like anxiety, panic attacks, eating disorders, troubles at home or school are all super rubbish, but you can't let them take over your life because you'll only become wrapped up in your own negativity and will result in being even more unhappy. You are more likely to be happier by overcoming these negative thoughts and issues and will remember those better than when you felt pooey. You want to create memories, not wish you had created them. 

The thing about negativity is that it's difficult to shift, especially when you feel as if you're constantly getting knocked back or beaten down, which was exactly what was happening last year when I was rejected from drama schools. I was so used to it, it became the way I lived and you don't even realise how negative you are until people begin to point it out. Rupert even started to take the micky out of me, as I'd say 'It would be me wouldn't it'' constantly. I do wish I could be one of those people who are positive and confident with life, because they're also so happy. I think I'm so negative because I blame the world for some things that have happened to me and I feel I have so much to worry about, but, really I have to sit back and think 'What am I worrying about'?' Is it a big deal? Doubt it and move on. 

There have been plenty of times where I've missed out on things because I'd rather sit at home, wrapped up in my duvet and wallow in self pity, but that's just so sad. It'll be very rare when I'm not worrying or thinking negative thoughts about something, I'll be watching TV and then I'll start biting my nails and think about something that will make me anxious. But, the only way to shake this off is just say to yourself 'STOP!, THIS ISN'T HELPING YOU, MOVE ON, IT'LL BE OK'. You can either do that, or blast some loud music of your choice and dance your heart away. 

I don't know if it's because of Rupert's constant mockery or me hating myself for feeling negative for no reason, but I felt that I'd become wrapped up in this negative bubble, constantly worrying about things. It wasn't until I went to Brighton and felt at my happiest, Rupert said to me 'I love coming to Brighton, because you're so relaxed and happier here than anywhere'. It hit me. I could live in Brighton again, no it's not that simple, I need to change my attitude, I want to be happy all the time. I want you guys to be happy too. 

After results day, I couldn't believe my results and I was so happy. I want to be more positive about things and life. I didn't realise how tiring it is to feel so negative towards absolutely everything and I'm done with that, I can't do that anymore. Like I said, if it's draining for you it's going to be draining for those around you. 

I have become more positive towards things. I'm not usually a person who get's excited about anything but I have noticed that I'm feeling excited about certain things. I was excited about my surprise birthday trip my sister treated me too. I'm excited about my birthday breakfast/brunch on Sunday, my birthday takeaway and film night on Monday and especially my 18th birthday and my holiday to Nice, which is so refreshing to me! Some of you are probably thinking 'What are you on about? You don't get excited about stuff.. no biggie', but it really is big for me because it's so rare that I feel this way and it makes my family happy. I've also felt positive about my future and rather than feeling dread towards auditions, I'm looking forward to the process again after having a year of experience under my belt. I'm also feeling so much more positive about my relationship with Rupert, for numerous reasons. Due to this, I know I'm going to have so many lovely memories and already have some!

I feel so good about being more positive about things. It has improved my life dramatically, and it's made me feel confident and happy. Although, I'm not completely how I am in Brighton, I know I'm getting there. 

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, before you start to relay negative thoughts, try to view the situation away from your negative, anxious mindset, and think this..

We only have one life, one chance at everything we do. We mustn't let negativity take control or make decisions for you or ruin experiences. This is your life and only yours. We can't let people take over, as well as our negativity, our life! Be positive! Make it your life goal to be positive about life and smile more and feel how much happier you will be! Think of all the new memories and paths of life that are waiting for you, would you turn that down because negativity told you to?

Taking a quote from 'Positive' from the ' Legally Blonde Musical' - 'keep it positive, as you slap her to the floor'. We've decided that negativity is a girl! Just imagine pushing or slapping negativity to the floor and filling your mind with positive thoughts. This is scary, hey I'm still scared of it all. But, I'm just thinking of all the new opportunities that's waiting for me and how happy I'm going to be!

Remember, you're not the one feeling this way, but you're the only one who can change your way of life. 




  1. This is a lovely post, completely relates to me!
    Love Emily x

  2. What a lovely post!
    Obsessed with your blog recently :)
    Smiles your way, Iyana-Nikita,x.

  3. This is a lovely post, completely relates to me too. So brave and positive of you to share, shows you are challenging your self. It has helped me in knowing i'm not alone. x


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