Saturday, February 08, 2014

The Life | Stuck in a Rut!



I reckon this is going to be a bit of a ramble-y post, so bear/bare (which one?) with me. As you all know, or should know by now, my main goal/dream/aim is to become an actress one day and it's been a dream of mine since I started singing,dancing and acting at the age of 3 (according to le parents). From a previous post (HERE), you will also know that I recently went to New York and auditioned for the Juilliard School of Acting. As I said, it was an amazing experience, but I cam away with all of these different thoughts in my head and it wasn't until I was sat in the bath rambling my thoughts to Rupert that I realised and thought these (picture above) things aloud. 

I've never ever thought this feelings before and so it really scared/scares me. Of course, all people who want to go in to, or are, in this industry have these thoughts, but I honestly hadn't before. I was actually beginning to doubt myself for the first time and I got really upset. I suppose I just thought that drama was my thing, I was known for it at school and it's what I was/am always going to do but, I walked away from Juilliard thinking.. 'What if I never get in to any drama school' and 'What if I'm actually soo rubbish at acting and my family and friends are too scared of hurting my feelings to tell me'. 

Do I have a plan B? No. Everybody says do what you love and enjoy, follow your dreams etc, but acting is all I want to do and I might not even be able to do it. So, now what? I don't like the idea of becoming that drama teacher who never succeeded plus, I just wouldn't want to go back to school. I don't feel that I could get anywhere without some more training, because there's so much more to learn about the art of acting. I really want to say to you guys, don't feel this way because things will look up, but I don't know how things are going to pan out. However, I do know that feeling this way is perfectly natural, but I suppose I'm just shocked that I'm not believing in myself and that I'm doubting my talent (if it's there). But, I know that I must never give up and that's what counts. 

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1 comment

  1. You should definitely be an actress ♥ I think it would be amazing!
    Ella
    x
    p.s Here is a link to my blog if you want to check it out, I would be so happy... http://hopeella.blogspot.co.uk/

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