Friday, September 19, 2014

Being A Lesbian Slut...

When I was in year 9, possibly before then, I was bullied. I started a new school, I was a new girl and it was scary. I didn't know anybody, it was a boarding school and I shared a room with the 'popular girls' - could it get any worse? I have to say, I wasn't the most attractive lady at the age of thirteen and I was quite shy and insecure and blah blah blah, the usual. One of the memories that is most prominent in my brain is when I put a poster up by my bed of Sarah Michelle Gellar, as her character 'Buffy'. Before I knew it, there were rumours going round the school or at least my boarding house, that I was a lesbian because of this poster. I took it down and shoved it behind my wardrobe, never to be seen again. Looking back now, I can not believe how petty the whole thing was and how they upset me so much I took down my poster and practically threw it away. What I couldn't understand was what I had done to make them feel they had to treat me this way, I had no idea why they chose me to pick on. They would pick on me because I had an iPhone, second model or whatever, so they then decided that I must be rich. I remember when I got my first boyfriend at this school and suddenly I was a 'slut', yet they still called me a lesbian which was just bizarre, plus me and this guy did nothing but kiss. There were so many different things that they targeted at me and I just couldn't put my finger on what I did wrong. It's funny because after year 9, they were fine, the bullying stopped. 

What I hated was that I couldn't be myself, as I felt like someone (a bully) was always watching me and waiting to pounce, to push me down. In hindsight, it obviously doesn't hurt me now, but it did hurt then. When I really think about it, the problem wasn't me it was them. They clearly had insecurities that they really hated about themselves, that they felt they just had to take it out on somebody else, by bullying people. These insecurities could be emotional, physical or mental, for example, I physically hate my body/appearance, the difference is, I don't take this out on anybody else, it's my problem to deal with or accept. If you are currently thinking 'crap, I was mean to someone today' or you're friends with someone who is bullying someone, let them/you know that you should take your insecurities and turn them in to an asset, these insecurities can be shared and you won't feel as alone. This is so much better than taking it out on somebody else for no reason. No one should be bullied for their appearance, their knowledge, their beliefs, anything. 

All in all, you should feel sorry for the bullies, as they're so wound up by their own insecurities the only way they can deal with it is by taunting others, which is not ok. I know I wasn't the only one who was bullied at the same time I was, I tried to help those who were targets and intervene as much as I could. I suppose, I just want you to realise this now, rather than later like me, because I wish I'd known before and I would have risen above it all and wouldn't have punished myself, thinking there was something wrong with me. 

If you need to talk to someone about bullying, if you're being bullied or know someone who is, check out this website or i'm here if you like :)


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  1. Aww what a great post, lovely. I've not been necessarily "bullied" in school but I used to be the isolated/outcast girl in my friend circle back in year 8. Eventually I decided to ditch them because their negative vibes really affected my self-esteem. xx

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