Saturday, October 11, 2014

Doubting Myself & My Dreams

IMAGE SOURCE: PINTEREST
As you might know, if you follow my blog or youtube channel, I was desperate to head over to drama school and complete a BA course in acting there, grab an agent and boom my future was secure and sorted. No one ever told me how difficult it was going to be to actually get in to the school, let alone the cost and hard work that had to be put in beforehand. Now, I know that I can act. I'm not being arrogant here, it's just one of those talents that I possess and I'm proud of it, as well as being to sing and dance which are things that make me so happy. So, the idea of being quite good at the career I want to pursue but being rejected from that industry two years running and now possibly a third, are my talents just a waste? Should I be bothering with all of this? Having a plan from such a young age to become an actress and to still have that same plan/dream at the age of nineteen is pretty committed, but the fact that you have the talents and the commitment seems like it isn't enough in the world anymore? Drama schools can be incredibly harsh, they charge you lots of money, don't give you any feedback and some won't even offer you a place just because they have someone who already looks like you, despite your talent. I guess this has been getting me down as the possible thought of not being able fulfil my dream scares me and leaves me thinking, well what else can I do? I don't have any other talents..

I also feel as if the people around me are moving forward and improving everything in their lives and i'm just stuck standing still. Most of my friends are at university in their second year, closer to their future plans. Or some of my friends are already working, pursuing their career to their next step. Even Rupert has gotten a new job in London which is amazing and great for him, meaning he gets to travel and film and all sorts. But, I can't help but think... What am I doing? Where am I going? Why isn't it working out? I don't expect everything to be handed on a plate to me, that's the least of what I want. I'm just wondering will my talents be wasted due to being rejected from my dream?

At the moment,  I don't feel good enough. I feel like I'm not fulfilling what I should and could be right now. I feel very lost right now and I wish someone could just give me the opportunity to act and show them that I'm worth investing in and given a chance. I started dancing when I was 3 and went to a performing arts school from the age of 5, 14 years on and I still want to do it.. am I wasting my time here? I do have other interests, I love social media and fashion and all things beauty/skincare, not to mention king charles spaniels but, doing fashion marketing and having that job title for a big company would be incredible but, it's not my dream and I want to do what makes me happy. 

I don't know.. I'm just rambling.. apologies for the negative post today.. not feeling it :( 
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6 comments

  1. Don't give up Bella! I genuinely think that if you believe you can do something, you will achieve it in time. It may seem like your life is on a stand still and none of this waiting around is worth anything, but if you give up now, in years to come, you'll look back and kick yourself for not hanging on that little bit longer. I, like you want to go to drama school and pursue a career in acting, (but I have a year to wait before I can audition) and I've heard about how tough it is, but I believe in my abilities and I'm not going to give up until I get there. If you wanted to get a kick start with your career whilst you're waiting, you could try signing up to an online agency? I've seen some really good reviews. It may only be that you land yourself a role in a music video or a short film, but every little helps when gathering experience, plus, you'll be doing something that you love! Might be worth a try, and who knows, someone big and important, might come across your profile!
    Keep smiling Bella!
    xx

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    1. Thanks for your lovely comment hun! <3.

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  2. I'm 16 and thinking about applying for drama school. I've been told how difficult it is and the thought is so unbelievably scary! Don't feel down, it's one of those things that takes time and you'll get there some day! Big love xx

    Beauty and Fashion blog:
    taraclare.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. As a fellow performer I understand what your going through completely. Ive written a blog post about it and my fears which are similar to yours. The only thing that gets me through those rough times of worry is that I know that I only have one life so I'm going to go after my dream to the best of my ability. But if the worst occurs and its not meant to be, its better to live knowing you tried than to live the rest of your life thinking what if. No one can ever take your gift from you. Whether you share it with the world or not. Keep trying Isabella! I believe in you and theres no rush, your only 19. You still have time.

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