Friday, October 10, 2014

The Terrifying Prospect of Accepting Love

You know that quote from 'The Perks of Being A Wallflower' that is all over tumblr? You know "we accept the love we think we deserve" that one? Well, for some reason I've been thinking about it lately and its meaning. I believe that it's absolutely terrifying allowing someone to love you and to accept it, it's a concept that I really struggle with. When it comes down to it, I want someone to love me and for me to reciprocate that love, but I really struggle with accepting that love.
Before Rupert came along, I accepted the love from someone  that I thought I deserved, in hindsight, it wasn't a lot of love. Whether you could even call it love, I don't know. I have always had this need where I need and like pleasing people. So, when I was in this relationship, I swallowed my feelings as I was made to think they weren't important and it would then lead to me not bothering to voice how I felt any more. I ended keeping things to myself. Since being with Rupert, he's told/taught me how important my feelings really are. This is something I wish I'd realised sooner, as having the confidence to express how I felt may have changed situations and future happenings - maybe even relationships. The fact that I thought my feelings were an inconvenience to someone and I was made to feel that way is unbelievable.

This is where I'm telling you now that you must voice how you feel, anything, everything! Everybody deserves better, I deserved better. My feelings, your feelings and emotions are valid and are worth listening to. When you're used to people crushing your heart, hurting you and making you feel worthless, it does make it difficult to trust again. I found it so hard to go in to a relationship both arms open, as I was apprehensive to be involved romantically with someone fearing it would be like before, as I became paranoid and cynical about love. 

Anyone who makes you feel that their happiness comes above yours is so wrong. Tell them to leave and you'll be much happier. Don't settle for someone who isn't going to treat you like your the best thing since sliced bread. Embrace the change and the kindness of others, don't shy away from it. I know I need to take my own advice, there are times where I simply just think 'Rupert can't possibly love me, this is ridiculous' and he'll be screaming at me 'why won't you just let me love you' and it's as simple as that. You deserve to be loved by someone, in the best possible way, accept that. 


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